Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
