Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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