its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
