my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I intend to get homeless drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
