the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
