so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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