dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
