Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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