Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize