dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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