Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
