....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
