i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
