The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
