Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
