oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
