Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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