You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
