You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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