Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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