Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
