you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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