So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
