Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
did i just pee glitter
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