Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
