I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
