So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
