Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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