I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize