I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize