Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize