She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
