Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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