i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
