he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
