I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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