Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
