I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
