Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
