I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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