If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she peed on how many people?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
