She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
