Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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