I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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