Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
