What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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