I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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