My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
