Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
