She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
