Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
wow bdsm is so cute
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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