OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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