Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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