I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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