Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
