why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
