I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
