Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
