i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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