Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
