is your mom at the bar?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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