and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize