Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
