I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
