OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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