I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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