How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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