my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
