Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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