he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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