I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize