no, he came in my armpit
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
