I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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