I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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