she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
