I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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