I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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