Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
