I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
