After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
