Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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