I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
