Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
