That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's always time for handjobs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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