I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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