So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
