out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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