also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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